Monday, May 27, 2013

Arrested Speculation: A Guest Post For All Your Arrested Development Needs

I don't do guest posts often, but Chris here seemed like a pretty smart guy. ::grin:: Someone should give him a writing gig - ggd)

When Arrested Development closed out back in 2006, I’m 100% certain I wasn’t the only one in tears. Ever since then—through our tears—we’ve been trying to get the show back on the air, and huzzah! thanks to Netflix, it’s finally going to happen, and with any luck, there will never be a last time we get to see “these.”
The finale revealed that Annyong had engineered the Bluth’s downfall because George Sr. had stolen his grandfather’s idea for a frozen banana stand. In true Bluth fashion the family scattered. Lucille tried to escape on The Queen Mary. Unbeknownst to her, Lindsay, GOB, Tobias, and Oscar were all on-board at the time. Buster panicked and fell off the ship and only panicked more when he confronted the loose seal who took his hand. Michael grabbed George Michael, and the two of them set off for Mexico. Unbeknownst to him, George Sr. had managed to sneak aboard for the ride. Maeby, of course, had settled into a meeting to pitch a Bluth TV show to Ron Howard.
The geniuses behind the show have revealed the scope of the 15 Netflix episodes. We’ll be seeing each character at three points: the fallout from the Season 3 finale, their exploits over the past 7 years, and their present circumstances. I’m confident that Hurwitz and the rest will blow our minds, but that isn’t going to stop me from making a few guesstimates about what each of the Bluths is up to.
And now for the wild speculation of a fan who had no choice but to speculate wildly on how they’d all be kept together:
Before we get to the Bluths themselves, I’m going to take a stab at the company itself. The finale leaves the family business in turmoil. My guess is that Sitwell and Lucille 2 will both be trying to get their (generally benevolent) hands on the company, and I imagine that one of the new guest stars (most likely Slattery) will be brought on as another executive type. However, I think that the reins will initially fall into unlikely hands, er, hand and hook: Buster.
Immediate Aftermath
The finale sees Michael taking his son, George Michael, to Mexico, but I’m sure that’s going to end up a short-lived trip. Once he realizes that George Sr. made it to Mexico, he’ll be glued to the news, and he’ll discover that the government was inept enough to arrest GOB, Tobias, Lindsay, and Oscar (whom they “recognize” and beat as George Sr.) when they came for Lucille. Knowing that it was an impulsive move to go to Mexico, and wanting George Michael to finish his education in the States, he’ll fly back home to take care of the rest of the family. When he arrives, he discovers that Buster’s 18th century Agrarian Business courses have served him well and Buster is running the company quite successfully. Michael decides (again) that the business has brought him nothing but grief, so he leaves Buster to it.
So, once Michael has successfully gotten GOB, Tobias, and Lindsay out of jail—not too difficult once the feds interrogate them to hilarious effect—he leaves for Phoenix and a job offer at Sitwell’s firm. George Michael comes with him to finish school at a good ol’ fashioned high school. GOB experiences an epiphany as he leaves the jail: if he can come back from the brink of death after a stabbing at the prison, perhaps he can resurrect his career at the very same place. The media covers his release and he announces that he will resurrect his career right here. He then convinces the Warden to let him perform magic shows at the prison. Tobias and Lindsay have their own epiphanies: they each want to make their relationship work and quietly recommit to each other as GOB’s aforementioned announcement unfolds.
Lucille and Oscar remain in prison—each of them fighting to get out—and George Sr. remains on the run so that he doesn’t end up back in prison.
The Past 7 Years
Lucille has been in a Martha Stewart-type minimum security prison—where she’ll end up meeting a few people who will end up being important. She essentially runs the yard. After initially preparing to fight the charges, she discovers her own bit of caged wisdom: prison vodka is just as delicious as the vodka outside, and life in minimum security prison is much more relaxing than she expected. She retains the services of the inept Barry Zuckerkorn to ensure she remains in prison. Oscar gets a tattoo that says, “I’m Oscar.”
George Sr. has behind the scenes been trying to exonerate Oscar but has been unsuccessful thus far.
Maeby and George Michael have seen very little of each other, so their feelings for each other have had time to cool off a bit—though they’re certainly not gone. It’s just that Maeby has been restored to her position at the movie studio, and George Michael has enrolled in school at UC Irvine, and they’re both extremely busy now.
Tobias and Lindsay have moved back to Boston and things were initially looking up. Tobias regains his license; Lindsay finds a cause she can get behind: genetic testing to identify family members. Of course, the marital bliss doesn’t last. Tobias still struggles with his never-nudity and Lindsay wants a child. We then learn that they can’t have children because they’re both sterile, and that causes a gash in their relationship that leads them both to try things solo. Tobias takes small roles in commercials (including one ad as a one-man-band for Teamocil). Lindsay becomes a party planner.
GOB succeeded in breathing some life into his career with his prison tour: The Trials of GOB. (The Warden expects GOB to pitch his movie New Warden to Maeby. Maeby and the studio pick it up but change it from a deeply affecting drama to an action-adventure flick starring Nicolas Cage and Vin Diesel.) GOB has even managed to catch the attention of Tony Wonder as Tony prepares to put together Use Your Illusion 3.
Buster has used his various post-baccalaureate degrees to turn the Bluth Company around, but his success has made him further alienate people. Someone comments that the change really happened after he started buying customized prosthetics: a diamond-encrusted hook, a foam hand for sporting events (like the joust he puts on at a birthday party we see only flashbacks of), and a Swiss army knife that he uses to carve custom stock gun parts for the shotguns that he has mounted on the wall next to his 13th century Chinese tapestries he acquired in a recent semester at UC Irvine.
Michael had been working in Phoenix at Stan Sitwell’s office, but recently he has started to miss being the boss, so he hatches plans to start his own business.
The Present
The government’s case against Lucille falls apart when government documents reach the court telling everyone what they already know: Saddam Hussein is dead and can’t be used to put the nail in Lucille’s coffin. She’s released.
In the trailer we see Buster freaking out in front of Lucille and George Sr. My guess is, first, that it’s Lucille and Oscar—who have decided to give their relationship another go—and second, that Buster is freaking out because his overbearing mother has returned. He experiences a breakdown, which carries over to a public forum.
Michael sees the breakdown, and since he’s been hoping to get back in control of things, he moves home to save the family business.
George Michael has been taking courses at UC Irvine. Michael had convinced him that he should cut loose, so he’s majoring in Film. Old habits die hard though, so he’s actually triple majoring in Film, International Studies, and Korean (where he runs into Annyong).
George Sr. sees the same broadcast, and after some covert investigating (involving an Uncle Sam wig), he discovers that Lucille and Oscar have gotten together. He returns.
After the critical panning of the second incarnation of New Warden, Maeby’s career is once again in danger. In a moment of weakness, she calls her mother and tells her about her fears. Lindsay hops on a plane, takes a taxi to the studio, and before she can be a decent mother who consoles her daughter, she is discovered by a rival producer Maeby’s who wants to cast her opposite Tom Jane. Tobias, who had returned to the area to pursue various acting roles, learns the news at a press junket he was helping at in the hopes of impressing Wrench enough to get a role on the show.
Conclusion
Will any of this happen? Who knows? I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to find out. What do you think’s going to happen?


Chris Miller is a professional writer, blogger, and English grammar enthusiast. Chris enjoys learning about new health products, procedures, and ideas.

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